glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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