Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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