I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
