Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
