Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
