I think I won the penis lottery.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
