My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
