Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
