Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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