And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The adults are the big ones right?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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