thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
