oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
this boner is exhausting
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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