So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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