But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
