their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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