His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
