dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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