Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
