My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
