The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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