I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
