Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
