she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
