Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
