I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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