I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
