No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
