I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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