i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize