And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
