Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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