Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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