Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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