sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
