So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize