I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
