Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
