i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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