Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
