I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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