I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
