I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
