if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
