I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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