It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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