about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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