So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
