:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
