I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
