I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
