i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
