HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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