I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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