It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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