the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
