remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
