She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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