Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
