He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
