im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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