I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
