Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
