Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
