I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
