Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
