trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
