Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
