you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
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