I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
