Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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