I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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