The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
