Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
