I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
