He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
