I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
