But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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