i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
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