haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
