she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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