dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
