i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
