You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize