so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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