Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
