It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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