When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
