I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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