Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
