Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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