it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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