Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Randomize
