I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
