We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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