i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
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