hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
