I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize