I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
