Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize