Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
