The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
