I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
