If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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