yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
